I'm in a Blue Funk State of Mind, though there's no real reason for it. It's not easy, either. As T-Bone Walker crooned, "Stormy Monday" (see below) and one person commented on the song, "the gospel right there son. Blues def aint nothin but a good man feelin bad." Yesterday was mine and Mr. Jane's fifth wedding anniversary. He got me some beautiful roses with delicate, miniature tulips, and a hand-blown glass rooster. It was an anniversary without much fanfare, due to having Little Jane and Littlest Jane, but it was still nice.
Even still, all day yesterday, just like today, I could not shake my Blue Funk State of Mind. I'm beginning to wonder how long the down side of this depressive episode of bipolar is going to last. I'm beginning to question everything, like how long can I hold on? WHEN will the Prozac work? I feel calmer, but I'm still so very depressed. So, what next? I'm two weeks off from my next available therapy session due to Mr. Jane's work schedule. Can I really make it two weeks? I don't really have any other option. All I know is that right now, even when I am not teary, everything has a blue pallor to it. I feel like no one understands what it's like to be in a constant Blue Funk State of Mind.
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Anyone fighting depression doesn't know "why". We don't know why our brain helps us one day and we can't help it the next. Oh, how wonderful it would be to simply "choose joy". Unfortunately, that is not an option. With bipolar you are fighting a duel battle, but it is a battle you can conquer. I am confident you will.
ReplyDeleteYou write both compellingly and beautifully.
Thank you LizAnn!
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