The Roller Coaster of Meds

It's been a while since I've blogged, which, overall, shows good progress for me. I still feel "down", more apathetic than anything, but Dr. G. and I are working on that.  We recently tried Abilify, which I'd been on before and couldn't place why I quit taking it. It wasn't too long into taking it that I remembered. It made me feel disconnected, disassociated with life. It was if everything was a movie happening in front of me. As the dosage went up, this worsened, as did hand tremors. I discontinued use and within 36 to 48 hours, I was feeling okay again, at least back to where I was before I started Abilify which given how I had been feeling, felt pretty good.  Now I'm going to be trying Lamictal, a drug that does the same thing but is in a different class than Abilify, it's actually an anti-seizure medicine (with a long list of possible dangerous side effects, but in studies, these people were on excessively high doses, nothing that would be therapuetic for Bipolar disorder).

The fact I could not remember why I discontinued Abilify or Lamictal for that matter, before, is precisely why I encourage keeping a drug journal, logging each one, and its' effect(s) on you.  While some jump right out at me, like Wellbutrin, Effexor, Seroquel, and Trazadone, others slip by me, like Abilify and Lamictal. Others I've probably plain forgoten I ever took them.


Good news, though. I am on 1/3 less klonopin than I was when I started with Dr. G. not so long ago. He even commented on how much calmer I was than the first visit, inspite of the lowered dosage of an anti-anxiety medicine. After a week on Lamictal, we are headed cautiously down again. This is a very difficult drug to "detox" from and while Dr. G. would like me to be on .5 mgs, he wants me to feel well and function and will base final dosage on that, not on where he'd prefer I'd be.  I'm still amazed with all the doctors I had, no one told me klonopin has the exact same effects on the brain as does alcohol. That is stunning to me, both that the medicine has that effect and that no one bothered to tell me.


Dr. G. asked me if I had hope yesterday, if I felt like the treatment was going somewhere. It felt so good to finally say, "yes". I said that even if it's six months down the road, I have confidence in you (Dr. G.) and confidence that I'm finally headed in the right direction and at least not on a total roller coaster of meds being changed out every week to two weeks, instead on a path to stability and sanity.


I hope all of  you that need it, are finding the help that will get you to where you need to be. I hope the rest of my readers stay well and happy.  More and more, while I'm convinced there are triggers for mental disorders (nurture/environment), I am convinced it is nature (genetics) that plays the largest role in determing who will fall prey to a mental disorder. I am thankful treatments are continuing to improve by leaps and bounds and the social stigma is less than it was even only 10 years ago.

---Jane